Foolish moments (Anna)

For most of my life, I've been told that my jokes aren't funny, so you'd think, by now, I would have learned to keep them to myself, wouldn't you? But no, they continue to slip out of my mouth at inopportune times, even in Canada where people mostly don't even realise I'm joking (humour being a distinctly cultural feature). (I should mention that in Australian and England, people don't think my jokes are funny, either, but they at least know that I'm attempting a joke...sometimes...)

And today, it happened not once but twice in the space of 45 minutes.

I took Emma to the toddler gym at the new local community centre - she's been more or less living there this week since we discovered it. We paid our money and got a receipt. I gave Emma the receipt to hold, and she waved it at the staff member on the way in, who took it. I said, in that singsong voice that parents do so well, "Say thank you". The staff member, at the same time said, "Thank you". I thought it was funny, so I said cheerfully, "Actually I meant her, not you!" The staff member went bright red and stuttered, "I was just thanking her for giving me the receipt, because it's nice to say thank you and I'm trying...", and she trailed off. And she looked at me like I had ruined her day, and I felt ridiculously embarrassed and so did she, and I remembered that I'm a huge idiot who should just keep her mouth shut.

And then not long later, Emma was walking around the gym with a push toy, proudly showing off her balance. A kind Dad nearby smiled at her cuteness and then picked up a ball - which was red - to put in her push toy. Emma immediately grabbed it and started chewing on it with delight, totally animated, grinning and jumping up and down. So I said thank you to the Dad, and added, before I had a chance to censor myself, "When you need to give a baby some energy, give her a red ball" (a play on the caffeine energy drink "red bull"). He gave me a look like I was from another planet and sidled off. He clearly regretted having been kind. I shoud have just said, in a singsong voice, "Say thank you."

So there we have it. It's obviously too late for me, but let's hope that her royal cuteness doesn't pick up my sense of humour or she's going to have a lot of awkward moments in her life.